I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
