I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
