Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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