remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
did i walk over a car last night?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
