why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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