It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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