I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think people are normalizing furries
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
