Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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