I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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