it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
