I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
