If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
