You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
