Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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