I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
