I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
