Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
