did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
