Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
