Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
