I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
