Michael Bay diarrhea
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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