I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
