chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
