the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
