I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
