Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
