I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
