Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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