so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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