we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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