Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
