Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
