i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
