so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
