That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
