if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
