did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
