Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
