He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
