She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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