and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
