just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
