i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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