It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
