I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
