Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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