for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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