We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
