I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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