Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
