I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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