break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
