My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
